Guest columnist Andy Morris-Friedman: Double down on the bubble test

By Andy Morris Friedman 11 September 2024

I have a few questions about Question 2 (eliminating the MCAS graduation requirement) and I want the answers. First the facts. Here in The PRM (People’s Republic of Massachusetts) we test our students every other year (Massachusetts Comprehensive Assessment System) to see if they’re learning, and many of them fail. We either need to get smarter kids or dumber tests, because all this time, money, and effort isn’t working.

The problem is that we are not testing our kids enough and the obvious solution is that we need to test our kids more. We need to make high stakes testing a high priority in high school. Any rational person knows that if you’re doing something and it’s not working, then you just have to keep doing it until you get a different result.

Kids need to forget about “learning” and just cram for the exam. Why memorize facts and figures when in today’s politics (the way I figure it) you get to make up your own facts? We need to double down on the bubble tests. If kids were tested more often, they’d have more practice taking tests and so they’d do better on them. Why waste time teaching when the test is everything?

I suggest that schools stop teaching five so-called “academic subjects” to free up more time for test taking and test prep. So let’s eliminate art, music, recess and I forget the other two ... lunch? No, lunch was my best subject. How about science (I don’t believe in it anyway) and what’s that other one called with all the numbers? Testing is scientific and modern, it’s easily quantifiable, as opposed to so-called learning, which is so amorphous and so individual. Testing is economical because tests are a lot cheaper than books, computers, and teacher salaries. Rather than our having to adapt the learning environment to the individual needs of each student (what a pain) let’s just insist that the kids learn to adapt to an education system based on the 18th century model and force them to conform to a standardized test in order to graduate like widgets on a factory assembly line?

How are we supposed to make America great again if the schools are teaching kids to think for themselves? Scholastic testing is already a multi-million dollar industry. More testing means they make more money and I could get a job as a consultant. Don’t tell them but the sad truth is that I once tried to take the MCAS test and to be totally honest I totally failed. Good thing we didn’t have MCAS when I was in school or I’d still be stuck in second grade. But I digress.

What about cheating? Cheating should make passing the test a cinch! If the kids learn how to cheat, isn’t that a form of learning valuable later in life? Back when I was in school, we were still a great country because back then, anyone no matter how inept, could cheat their way right to the top.

Because in America, if you’re a good enough cheater, you can grow up to become a real-estate mogul or even president.